Act I Scene II“Oh look Sam! Nazgul!”
“Here, nice Nazgul! Would you like a biscuit? I bet you would like a biscuit! Yes you would! Oozy-woozzy-woo!”
As mentioned before, Hobbits were not very bright, and Samwise doubly so.
“No Sam, that’s not wise! These are the Wraiths!”
“Look Mr Frodo Sir, I understand that you have inherent prejudices against creatures from the land of the shadow, but just give them a chance! They probably grew up in a slum, or didn’t get a proper education, or something. Look, one of them is holding out an olive branch to you! Isn’t that nice?”
“Sam you fool, that’s no olive branch! That’s an
Entling! And it’s ready to bite!” cried Pippin.
Frodo whacked Pippin fondly round the head with a brick. “Oh Pippin, what am I going to do with you? Entlings don’t have teeth, they have Hourns! Aaaaaaaaaaaaauuuurrrrgghhh!!!!”
“Mr Frodo Sir! They’ve got things! And there are 9 of them!”
“Gnnnnnarrrk… what things?”
“You know, Things, like
The Thing!”
“In a rare display of intellect, I, Pippin, shall utter the Dark Words of the Dark Lord from the Dark Land. Or perhaps I just like saying ‘Dark’. There’s an ancient rhyme that applies to this
Thing, which you can see it if you hold a halogen lamp against it – ordinary bulbs don’t work on it, even if they’re Energy Savers.“
He pulled himself up to his full height of three and a half feet, and said in a dark voice:
__“Ash mash splish splash clish clash
Flip flop blip blop hip hop
Ooobi dooobi scoobi do yabadabadoo
Flibbertigibbet supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Brontosaurus Tyrannosaurus Stegosaurus Diplodocus
And other incomprehensible gibberish.” __
“Er, what? Gak! Someone torch this Entling for me, will they?!?” Frodo was getting desperate – if the entling reached his heart, he would become a tree. Which would, admittedly, result in a dramatic increase in IQ, charm and charisma, but he still saw it as a bad career move.
__“One Thing to sue them all
One Thing to bind them
One Thing to litigate them all
And in the darkness bind them”. __
“Oh, very suave I’m sure, but it’s still not detaching this damn ferocious bonsai from my arm.”
Fortunately the Nazgul had somehow managed not to notice this commotion and moved away – just as well really since it would have been a really short book otherwise – and the hobbits were, after setting some fearsome woodlice on the entling, able to make their getaway. However, there was still a festering wound were the entling had attacked, and Frodo was secretly worried.
“Uh-oh” said Frodo, the only one of the hobbits who had ventured this far outside Hobbiton before. “I forgot… we must go via Farmer Giles’ House!”
“Nooooooo…” he said.
“Noooooooooooooo…” said Merry.
“
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…” said Pippin.
“
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…” said Samwise.
“You win!” said Merry. Samwise beamed. “You win today’s star prize!” said Pippin. Samwise beamed even more.
“You get to check whether it’s safe to go into Farmer Giles’ house!” said Frodo.
Samwise groaned. Why did these things always happen to him?
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http://callicostar-captaind-fiction.blogspot.com/CaptainD 
