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• Choccy 1!

  2009 Dec 1

  Wrapping Christmas presents, I feel like Jolly Nic.
  Today’s is a rhyming blog, so stick it up your... penis,
  if you don’t like it, that’s not my fault at all,
  I haven’t blogged in a while, ‘cos I’ve been busy is all.
  
  Friday was a day of bliss, when finally I could rest,
  so tired was I, but fun was had, which is why I did my best.
  Saturday, I did take heed and dozed in the sun,
  only venturing out the house when it was clear past 1.
  
  I ate lots of food that day to get my energy back,
  but by the setting of the sun I was ready for the sack.
  Sunday was a day for feeling better more,
  I travelled to Sendai, for shopping until four.
  
  I met a girl I like who doth I teach English,
  maybe I’ll ask her here for Christmas along with getting pished.
  I had the fun but no success, shopping incomplete
  I made my way to Furukawa with very sore feet.
  
  Monday was the day for going back to work
  Somehow I managed in this cold to dry my favourite shirt
  Surprised was I to have a schedule, along with several lessons
  It’s only taken most the term for me to get full sessions
  
  So yesterday I planned a lot and talked with the teachers,
  then straight after I shopped for many features,
  I bought at once all of my gifts, though cards were hard to find
  It wasn’t until today I beat that lasting grind.
  
  While sitting, weary, beforehand, in the Maccy D’s
  I ran into a student who would like to have me please
  she stopped and said “Hello” and sat in front of me
  talking with her friend while she took a glance or three
  
  Now her friend I thought she must have been a high school student,
  or possibly older.... maybe, but among the local talent
  pretty to a fault she was, and the fault would be all mine,
  if I chased after that I’d be doing serious time,
  
  As soon, I realised, and not before it became too late
  a simple fact that helped me avoid that bad fate
  it dawned on me sharpish, man, what a fool,
  that pretty nice young woman, was a student in my school!
  
  Here, girls of any age, they all dress the same,
  and with a bit of make up, you can start to play the game
  just you try and guess how old, it ain’t easy to play,
  most of them hit 30, before they age a day.
  
  Today, I finished school and headed to a shop
  the remaining Christmas items is what I got,
  so now I sit here busy, with my wrapping to do
  I have skype on and I’m desperate for a .... good night’s sleep.
  
  Tomorrow’s blog is something that might be less annoying
  thinking of all these rhymes is a notion very cloying.

• Ghost Girl

  2009 Nov 26

  I call her that because she reminds me of all the Japanese ghost women that you see in movies. She just has that look, as though she is regarding you with a cold, calculating stare. Well, not necessarily cold in this girl’s case but I always get the feeling that she is assessing me and thinking carefully before she speaks. Not because she is afraid of saying anything wrong, or bad, but because she has a curiosity for how things work, one that stretches to people. Perhaps it is like the look on the face of a cat that has yet to decide what it’s going to do with the mouse. It’s one of the qualities I admire about her. She always seems very calm and has the calculating demeanour. She’s quite beautiful as she traipses about in her own little world. I mention her and these qualities because they are qualities I would like to have myself. I don’t mind thinking about things so much if its for a good purpose, not the kid of hectic build up of anxieties I usually get. No, a proper assessment and curiosity for the world would be better.
  
  She has sparked my curiosity a few times before, but today I got to spend substantial time with her and I was pleased to see she is actually interested in English. I took her quiet act for a lack of interest, but since I joined her in watching the other kids do sports today (she was sitting out because she had injured her hand on a tree), so spent a good hour talking to her, on and off, I learned that she has a good command of English. She wasn’t shy at all to speak and she was able to tell me quite simply why she wasn’t joining in. We talked about movies and anime, sports and friends. What tickled me most, and quite literally, was when she surprised me to tickle me from behind. She never seemed playful before, though I did not doubt that she liked me, but I realised she is just a child too. If I described her correctly to my assistant, it seems she doesn’t open up to many people either. My assistant was very surprised that she had tickled me.
  
  I spoke with some other kids as well, glad to hear that some of them were really happy (they told me so!) and I joined in a hurdle race. It was at ghost girl’s suggestion and I didn’t ask the teachers. I just ran. All the kids from the different groups saw me go and I noticed there were lots of cheers from all over. The teacher at the other end, with the stop watch was a bit surprised but she expressed that my time was a good one, even though I started late (I was watching the wrong person for the signal!)
  
  The girl is in 5th grade (so she is 9 or 10 years old) but she moves with a superiority that she has seen it all before. She really stands out in a huge crowd of lively, chaotic children and I really like not only that she acts so, but that she does so without other people bothering her. I want to take that on board and try and approach life in her calm, slightly aloof way (would make a change from my high energy, chaotic approach). I never really understood before about how people say they can learn from children, but today, I get it.

• Skippy, the Bruised A.L.T.

  2009 Nov 25

  Today is worth writing about because I played basketball. At elementary school, lessons finish a lot earlier, but I still have to stay until 4pm. This is only more apparent when my assistant leaves whenever she likes, which is normally right after we finish. I don’t mind though. I go for a walk around the school and usually I get talking to some of the children and have the best moments of my day. Past jaunts have had me tailed by a dozen 3rd graders, chiming a mimic of anything I say, translating anything that a group of giggling girls point at, reading English off of the shirts of 2nd graders and waving goodbye to everybody as they leave. Today, I saw a bunch of kids going into the hall, so I followed. It seems they play sports after school occasionally. I went in and there was badminton, table tennis and basketball. I had a wander round, talked with some kids, and I took some shots at a basket (hoping my few terms playing in High School hadn’t been completely forgotten) before helping a kid work on his passing. Then the teacher came along and he asked me if I wanted to join in a game. We had a little tournament and I think my team were hoping I would make them a sure fire winner because I was clearly taller than any other player, but it wasn’t too be. I just had fun. It was odd, racing back and forth, trying not to tread on any little children and taking a few badly aimed shots at basket. I had a laugh though. I was pretty tired afterwards, and hot, but it was nice to have done that. I felt quite relaxed leaving today. Something else that I did slowly. I walked out with some of the the children and walked with them down the road. It was nice to talk to them some more. Yet, I’m sad because tomorrow is my last day at that school until the end of January. I really love that school. The teachers are all so friendly, and there are tonnes of cute kids. Some of them I want to steal.... but I won’t .... probably. If only because they would be crying all the time and I would rather see them happy. I like just watching them though. The way they behave (when they aren’t just staring at the foreigner) and how they interact is so funny.
  
  The day itself was a bit weird. I had my Christmas presentation before lessons started. The children were all waiting for me as I arrived and they seemed to enjoy it. Then I had two lessons cancelled, but during one I got to be a part of the school photographs. They took a photo of the 6th grade from the top of the school, camera looking down into the playground. Then they did one of each class, against different parts of the playground. They asked me to be in each of them. It seems a bit weird, but it was kinda fun. For lunch, I ate with a 3rd grade class. They got very excited and asked me a bunch of questions I couldn’t translate very well. Then someone put the TV on. It was strange. Afterwards, the boys all wanted to arm wrestle me, so I had fun with that, playing up to some of them and thrashing others, and all the girls wanted me to play skip rope. We went outside but just as we were getting started break time ended. It wouldn’t have worked anyway. Small kids and big Matt equals me getting thunked in the head every time.
  
  Oh, and some bug bit me in my sleep, right under my eyelid so it was all swollen when I woke up. Annoying git. I’ll have to spray repellent tonight. But my bed is still nice and warm. Cute Japanese women are invited to come and test it.

• Fairy Lights

  2009 Nov 24

  I feel like I shouldn’t trust my judgement when I am sad or worn out because it is inevitably negative, like a man teetering on the edge of the cliff who has just been handed the weeks shopping. However, I seem to be tired and worn out a lot lately. What happens if I get more tired and my negative judgement becomes my only judgement? What then? Do I still ignore it? Who knows. I just had a great week last week and the tiredness got to me this weekend. I hate it when that happens but what are you going to do? If only I ever thought about this stuff when I was happy I might be able to pass a sensible, unbiast judgement on the subject, but I’m always too busy being happy.
  
  Despite extreme tiredness and negativity I did have a good day today. For one, I was at elementary school, which is like an automatic injection of happy. Secondly, I had my first Christmas lesson and the nice surprise of my Junior High first grade teachers paying a visit so they could spy on next year’s lot. It was nice to see them. Like I’m not the only one shipped out to all sorts of places, but that it’s part of a larger network. After school, I had a great talk with a few of the kids too. They were asking me about TV shows, anime, manga and basically saying any Japanese word to see if I could translate it. A lot, I couldn’t but we always manage to communicate well. I was left feeling pretty happy, and then I went home, tried to do some Christmas shopping but ended up buying two CDs for myself! Oh well, I’ll just not buy the traditional celebratory pair of CDs I get for completing the Christmas shopping. Though I need to get a move on if I am going to post my presents in time. It’s hard to decide what to buy though.
  
  On the way home I stopped off in my friend’s ramen shop. I had dinner and he let me put one of my new CDs on. It was pretty cool. Now, I’m home and just tired. A bit annoyed that all I’m going to do is be tired and go to bed, but what are you going to do? If I don’t get rest, I’ll be like this every day.

• Tassel Hassle

  2009 Nov 22

  What a good week. I had a lot of fun. My change in attitude has been the cause for most of it I think because the schools haven’t really changed. However, after a week at my Junior High, talking to more students and teachers, I went to the kindergarten on Friday. It was my second of two visits to that particular school and I was surprised to see that the kids remembered me so well. I guess I shouldn’t be really. Last time I was there I taught them colours and so when they got off the bus and saw me they all came running up shouting greetings and the colours of nearby objects and clothes. It was very funny. That morning went very quick, much quicker than my first visit. We did the usual playing and then I did a lesson on body parts late on. I had them lie on a sheet of paper and they drew around their friends, then we drew on the different body parts in more detail. Now they have giant posters of variously misshapen figures all along the walls of their hall but it was very good. At the end, they gave me lots of gifts, it was very sweet. They had a Christmas card for me with photos of the class inside; one girl gave me a friendship bracelet; another girl gave me a scarf that, bless her, looks more like a tassel to hold a curtain to a wall and she loved asking me to crouch down so she could wrap it around my neck.
  
  Near the end of the morning the students asked me to sign my name for them and I ended up giving a little strip of paper with my name on it to everyone. Two of the students kindly gave me their names too. The last great thing was as the students were preparing to leave. The teacher asked me if I wanted to ride on the bus. Naturally, I did and so I got to enjoy a trip round the local neighbourhood dropping of the tykes with their families.
  
  All in all a good day, but it took a lot of energy and I was very tired. (Un)fortunately, it was also pay day so that meant, when I got home I had to rush around paying people who needed paying and buying things that needed buying. The short of which is I now have all my winter gear, I have a mighty kerosene heater that works wonders and I get to sleep in a warm bed at night thanks to an electric blanket. Honestly, it was bliss last night, lying down in that warmth!
  
  I was supposed to be going out for drinks last night too, but things got cancelled. I may have caused some problems by giving my friends the option of going out tonight instead of last night because suddenly all communication was cut and plans were cancelled. My translator friend still came round to visit though. I cooked for her and we chatted over tea. It was nice. I was tired anyway, but I had looked forward to a night out. Tonight’s drinking is a more casual affair at someone’s house, but it should still be fun.

• Questions, anyone?

  2009 Nov 18

  The darkness doth approacheth hastily, m’lud. And yonder night time would chill a hardy knight of the Lord to the bone and have him hurrying home for his blanket, it doth. In the lands of “Their Space” the terror is twofold, as the merciless spirits wail on in the impenetrable fog. Still, I quested on to find more souls who did shock me with their kindness. Though their messages now soundeth the tone of soulless wanderers. Alas, not one hath heralded heart warming news yet and I hath disturbed the shades with the clearest faces. In the deep depths I must now descend to question the eternally faceless, slumbering and forgotten wretches. What hope hath I that they can stir themselves at my call, not least remember the passing of my maiden. My prayer is only that the last two magic messenger owls did reach their destinations safely and their greatly delayed return has occurred because their masters searcheth their logs so thoroughly. I pray.
  
  Argggghhhhhh.... another swirly time hole!........
  
  [Plop!]
  
  The girls are getting brave. Well, maybe it is just the two I spoke with today, but lunchtime was interesting. I went to eat with a third grade class. They have proven to be energetic in the past, but this class was populated with a few of my favourites, including this one lad who is trying his hardest to win all my fake money. At my group of tables there was an empty place in front of me, and like some episode of Mastermind the students willingly took their place in front of me and let me quiz them on English or vice versa. The first was the eager lad, and I tested him with some great questions. He left happy, with another note. Then another guy came to sit down but while I quizzed him, the two girls sat next to him would chime in with questions. I was quite proud of them. When I can sometimes struggle to get a simple question out of a student, they managed to ask me if I had a girlfriend, when I last had a girlfriend, if she was British, why we broke up and if I was sad about it. It was very cool, and I was a little shocked. Why hadn’t they spoken much English to me before? Then the girl on the left, the one who, when I am talking, watches me intently, she took the seat opposite me with the air of someone “getting down to business”. I imagined the gloves falling to the floor. She tried to ask me one question which didn’t work out, and then .... my Japanese isn’t great but I think she asked me about sex. She either tried to say “Do you have....?” or “When did you have...?”. Luckily, I didn’t have to feign ignorance because I really didn’t know what she was on about, but I definitely got the feeling that it was something I had to pretend not to know. So I was a little surprised. Normally, the girls are the ones who are very quiet because they are shy to talk to me, but suddenly one was asking me about sex, or trying to.
  
  It’s been a good day for talking actually. Sometimes I get jaded with how hard it can be to get one of my ideas through to implementation that I lose faith in the rest of the job too. Yet, when I take a chance and talk to people I realise how easy it is and I should make more of an effort every day. I was walking past the library when I saw one of Terry Pratchett’s books in Japanese, in the recommended section. So I picked it up and headed inside to speak to the newest English teacher who was working in there at the time. I told her I liked his books and asked her what the title of it was. In English it is The Wee Free Men but the Japanese title translates as something like The Witch and the Strange Fellows or something. It’s weird. All the Harry Potter books have odd names too, so I can never tell which ones the kids are reading. Anyway, I chatted with the teacher about that and other stuff for ages. It was nice because she was too shy to talk to me at first and so I thought her English was really bad, but that wasn’t it. She was much more relaxed and fun today. She also told me that one of my students had seen me in the restaurant the last time I went with my translator friend and they assumed we were a couple. I dispelled the notion of being a stepfather to a 9 year old and later realised that could have led into an ideal situation to chat up or at least inquire about the English teacher’s love life. But the company probably frowns on that anyway.
  
  I have done so little teaching this week. In fact this whole term has lacked in lessons. There has either been sports days, tests, culture festivals or parent teacher meetings and while everyone else gets more busy, I just ended up with lots of free time. I’ve done all my planning for the next month. I edited some of my novel too, but I felt guilty, so that’s when I went round talking to people.
  
  In general, I’ve been feeling really good. I’ve made an effort to focus on enjoying what is, instead of worrying about stuff. It’s a vicious cycle that needs to be broken, much like Reality TV. Fortunately, in Japan real people are still attractive and if they are crazy and annoying I don’t realise it because it’s like spotting sugar in a pile of salt, so I don’t mind watching. All the TV watching I do is in the background anyway.

• I’m Lovin’ It

  2009 Nov 15

  I never really thought that McDonald’s would be the place I was sitting in when I unravelled the mysterious underworkings of the universe and discovered the purpose of my life and the complete major event pathway upon which I would travel, but then dog spit is cleaner than human’s.
  
  I like working with kids. So I’m pretty sure that whatever I do, I should be working with children, younger ones preferably. Not only that, but since I like using childish ways and manners to entertain adults, in life and in writing, I also think it is my purpose to keep the child alive inside all of us, because it would mean your incarceration if he died. Child murder is severely frowned upon. So that’s what I’m going to do, and I should really focus all my attention on this goal. It also explains why I am fated to have a crappy love life; it is vital to my life goal that I like kids, and if I were to have kids of my own than I might realise all the bad things about them and therefore not want to pursue my life goal anymore. So the universe has arranged for me to be alone. I’m not saying I want to be a monk or anything, but I think it gives good reasoning to the tiny, malnutritioned, lame and mentally handicapped paraplegic midget that is my love life.
  
  Still, I had a really good day today. I broke the curse of Sendai. Normally I have a stressed out and busy time when I go there but today I had fun and two lunches, followed by afternoon tea. It was cool. I took no shit and went on the bullet train there. 10 minutes, 60 odd miles. I was due to meet my friend at 1pm and since I was hungry when I arrived I decided to have some lunch. So I went to a stand up ramen place (by which I mean you have to stand up while eating, not that it’s a real dependable place). When I finished there, I met my friend and we went for another lunch in a Chinese restaurant while I gave her one. One English lesson that is.
  
  Arguably, this was the first time that I gave a proper private lesson. It went well, not perfect, but well. I learned a lot. I seem to have developed a sixth sense for knowing when people don’t understand what I am telling them, even if they try to hide it. Still, I found it difficult to communicate a couple of ideas and I confused her a few times by explaining them badly. I need to plan these finer points I feel. The lesson didn’t seem as meaty as I had thought while planning it, but she seemed happy, and it will only get better. I’m glad she is giving me this chance to practise.
  
  We went for a walk around the shops afterwards, then escaped from the cold in a coffee shop. All the Starbucks were full, so we went in a smaller place. I don’t mind going to Starbucks since I always have tea anyway, so I don’t feel like I am doing anything bad, by sucking at the corporate teet. Then after saying “goodbye” and taking the bullet train back home again, I had a craving for a burger, so I went to McDonalds’. And that, my friends, strangers, midgets and inverted bipolar disordered alien membranes, brings us full circle. You are now trapped in a paradoxical loop where time will not end but nor will it progress. As more and more people become trapped here I can wander the empty world and be it’s master! Of course, this plan will involve giving internet access to the starving and poor millions of the third world and trying to convince them not to to attempt to eat it, but I figure doing something as big as conquering a whole world, shouldn’t be easy. Even if you do complete the task, with style, finesse and the manipulation of space-time quantum physics through the operation of my laptop keyboard. You’re all doomed!