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Vision? Nary!

• MEN - "Off Our Backs"

  2009 Dec 24

  I first saw MEN on IFC’s “Dinner with the Band” recently.

  
  

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• Merry Virtual Stuffmas: The Kinks Choral Concert

  2009 Dec 22

  NPR recorded “The Kinks Choral Concert” and you can download it here.

  Ray Davies, frontman for the legendary band The Kinks, had paired some of the group’s most popular songs with a full choir. […] There have always been simple and often beautiful harmonies in many of The Kinks’ songs, especially in the band’s work from the late 1960s. Fortunately, much of the material Davies chose for his new choral album, The Kinks Choral Collection, comes from the group’s seminal 1968 record, The Kinks Are The Village Green Preservation Society.

  
  

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• THE UNBELIEVABLE STORY OF BROTHER THEODORE

  2009 Dec 21

  At The Grand Illusion in Seattle, January 22 - 28:

  TO MY GREAT CHAGRIN: THE UNBELIEVABLE STORY OF BROTHER THEODORE
  Dir: Jeff Sumerel
  2007, USA / Color, Video / 90min.
  Brother Theodore is considered to be one of the most significant links in the history of comedy, admired by such people as Eric Bogosian and Woody Allen. His television appearances have spanned from Merv Griffin to Dick Cavett to David Letterman and his long running off-Broadway show was hailed as “diabolical genius”. Theodore endured the sobering loss of his entire family, his fortune, and his own identity as a survivor of the Dachau concentration camp. Continually haunted by his loss, and hindered as a displaced foreigner, he tapped “the power of despair” to re-invent himself, capitalizing on his dark, existential humor to become one of America’s most respected humorists and monologists. Jeff Sumerel’s fascinating documentary includes the use of a puppet with Theodore’s voice to tell the story of his life and career, with a star-studded list of interviewees including Woody Allen, Eric Bogosian, Richard Belzer, Penn & Teller, Dick Cavett, and many more comic geniuses.

  Playing Daily: 7 & 9pm
  additional shows Sat. & Sun 5pm

  
  

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• Pee-Chees gone, days of yore

  2009 Dec 20

  No Conversion.

  Recently I made reference to the conversion tables inside the old Pee-Chee folders from school. No one knew what I was talking about. Pee-Chee folders are the new Slide Rule. (The slide rule is before my time.)

  (Note: Do not make a joke about Pee-Chee conversion tables. Or slide rules. Autogyros and dirigibles are still funny because they sound funny and there is just something about antiquated air transportation…)

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pee_Chee_folder

  Pee Chee folder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
  en.wikipedia.org
  The yellow Pee Chee All Season Portfolio was a common American stationery item in the second half of the 20th century, commonly used by students for storing school papers. It was first produced in 1943 by the Western Tablet and Stationery Company of Kalamazoo, Michigan. …

  
  

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• Stages of Dog Sitting

  2009 Dec 20

  Dogs stare at you. Question of who will sit on whom is resolved when larger dog sits on you.

  Dogs begin to question your authority and take advantage of your good nature.

  Dogs make with the eyes.

  The fuzzy ball incident occurs.

  You discover that the damnedest things you wouldn’t believe if a person said them seem perfectly reasonable when a dog says them.

  
  

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• Obama's old hat

  2009 Dec 12

  President Obama, honored with a Nobel peace prize while fighting two wars, appeared to accept his prize. His speech was in some ways a departure from the past but in others it was old hat.

  The president stood behind the podium and the microphones, his demeanor professional and dignified. He paused for a moment taking in the occasion and the feel of the room. Then he leaned forward into the mic and spoke.

  “My wife is so fat…” he began.
  There were moments of awkward silence. Finally the still air was broken by a Swedish dignitary in the audience who shouted out, hesitantly at first but then becoming more bold as he spoke, “How fat is she?”
  Obama, replying immediately to cue, replied, “She’s so fat, when she sits around the house she really sits around the house.”
  There was another pause filled with silence.

  Obama continued, “Thank you Ladies and Germs.” The crowd sat quietly staring at him.
  “Seriously though, it’s an honor to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. I flew here from Washington DC, and boy are my arms tired.”
  The silence was broken by a rimshot from offstage.
  There were scattered coughs and throat clearings.

  One Swedish diplomat turned to another and whispered, “I warned you! The U.S. hasn’t refreshed their joke book in years!”

  
  

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• Dictators and talk show hosts, favorite recipe and personality sketch

  2009 Dec 10

  Adolf Hitler. Toaster strudel. Still current yardstick for being a Complete Dick.

  Steve Allen. Poundcake. Well regarded by his peers.

  Generalissimo Francisco Franco. Paella. Least known of World War II fascist dictators, Most famous for still being dead. Brutal.

  Jack Parr. Apple Brown Betty. His desire to get away from “old hat comedy” cost him the sponsorship of Lucky Strike cigarettes. Sometimes unpredictable.

  Idi Amin. The flesh of his enemies. A formidable rugby player and sportsman.

  Chevy Chase. String cheese sculptures. Mood depends upon back pain. Hypnotic powers of persuasion.

  Muammar al-Gaddafi. Hummus. Collects clown figurines. Frequently complements the beards of others.

  Arsenio Hall. Vegan lasagna. Congenial. His elimination of the desk in the hosting environment earned him the ire of the office furniture industry.

  Saddam Hussein. Pork brains in milk gravy. Once had a book written in his own blood. Liked kittens, puppies, and torture.

  Oprah. Sweet potato pie. Was once mean to Dead Kennedys front man Jello Biafra.

  Kim Jong-Il. Pizza. Delusional. Loves movies. Personality similar to common Hollywood producer.

  —
  http://davidraffin.com

  
  

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• Full Shatner on Shatner Action

  2009 Dec 01

  Jeff Burk’s Shatnerquake is the finest story ever told containing multiple William Shatners. Lesser authors have been shackled before now with writing only one role for Shatner. This is understandable, in the field of television and film, for logistical reasons. However, this has never been the case in the literary realm and Burk has led the way here with both great panache and bloodletting.

  Unsatisfied with a single Shatner, Burk here provides a wall of Shatners. A smorgasbord of Shatners. Indeed, every possible variation of Shatner is set upon onlookers, each other, and the reader. No one is safe, let alone Shatner.

  While some people have, in the past, mocked Shatner, deriding his skill as a thespian, song stylist, or margarine spokesman, Burk has shown that the problem has never been one of too much Shatner, rather too little. Free of casting limitations the literary form allows for full Shatner on Shatner action. At last Shatner is presented on a level playing field, where characters are of the same caliber.

  With Shatnerquake, Burk has solved the Shatner dilema, which has plagued man since 1951, and he shall be remembered forever for this.

  Denny Crane!

  
  

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• Merry Xmas

  2009 Nov 30

  

  

  
  

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• The Cult of Brother Theodore

  2009 Nov 22

  Last night I viewed the little-seen 1976 JAWS parody, GUMS.
  The viewing took place at Seattle’s Grand Illusion, a small all-volunteer-run movie house in the University district. There was a leak in the roof that was dripping above one of the projectors but disaster was averted.

  In GUMS, Brother Theodore wears a Nazi uniform, storming about the beach town of Great Head demanding, “Where were you during the war?”
  Brother Theodore was in Dachau, the first Nazi concentration camp opened in Germany. He was checked in by someone who he knew from school. He was allowed to leave after he later signed over the family business to the Nazis.

  GUMS is a film about a fallatio-obsessed mermaid who wreaks havoc in the town of Great Head. It’s a porn film. The screening at the Grand Illusion featured the “clean” cut of the film. The “action” sequences were mostly covered on the screen by various black and white drawings of lobsters and cannons, among other things. The mermaid was played by Terri Hall, a one-time member of the Stuttgart Ballet Company. She does some ballet in the film, among other things.
  Robert Kerman played the Richard Dreyfuss role. He also appeared as the male lead in Debbie Does Dallas, and was more recently seen on the big screen portraying the TugBoat Captain in Spiderman (2002).

  Brother Theodore used to play chess frequently with Albert Einstein, and thus Theodore is the thin layer of separation between Einstein and hard-core pornography.

  Last week, in Olympia, a small crowd (if there exist large crowds, this must posit the existence of small crowds) was witness to the Brother Theodore bio-pic “To My Great Chagrin: The unbelievable story of Brother Theodore.” Theodore’s Son, who resides now in Bainbridge Island, WA, was in attendance and spoke after the screening. He relayed the story of how his father, in his nineties, called him for consolation after a breakup with his then-current girlfriend, who was in her early forties. “I’m not sending you a prostitute,” his son thought.

  Like Chaplin, Theodore often dated much younger women. Unlike Chaplin, Theodore often dated more than one at a time.

  GUMS provides a rare look at Theodore on the screen. Commonly, most people, if they have seen him at all, remember him from the Tom Hanks film “The ‘Burbs” or his many visits to “Late Night with David Letterman” in the 80s.
  Theodore, however, is well-known among writers. Harlan Ellison referred to him as “the only man I ever really wanted to meet.”
  “You know Harlan, we are very much alike,” Theodore said to Ellison. “Women find us fascinating. They say, ‘there is life here. I must be near it.’ And it’s good for a month. Two months. Then… ‘when will he shut up!’ And they run screaming into the streets!”

  His headstone reads: Known as Brother Theodore / Solo Performer, Comedian, Metaphysician / “As Long As There is Death, There Is Hope”
  —
  “Only what we have lost forever do we ever truly possess.
  Only where there are graves are there ever resurrections.
  Only when we have drunk from darkness shall we truly see.”
  - Brother Theodore

  “It is my sincere wish that after my death my head be severed from my body and that it be replaced with a bouquet of broccoli. It is the artist in me.”
  - Brother Theodore (1906-2001)

  
  

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